Today I'm celebrating International Women's Day. A lot of progress for women's rights has been recorded over the last century. I, myself, have seen a lot of change.
I grew up in the rural South. Maybe life was different in the South than other parts of the great USA. Life has not always been easy for the women of the South. I know women of my lifetime who did not have the opportunity to learn to drive... that is, with the exception of a plow or a tractor. I recall when all the women set the table for the men and the children's table, eating only after all others had finished. I'm a proud voter, but I can remember when my Dad gently notified me how the "family" would be voting. When I inquired, I learned that there was a family meeting prior to the election to discuss the issues and the candidates. It was decided then where to place the block of family votes. Of course, my Dad (anticipating my disappointment on my first voting year in this process) also told me that his suggestions were only recommendations based on what he had learned from the candidate speeches at the political rallies and hearing the opinions of his family members. Plus, he suggested that we as a group would have more influence than individually. Interesting, I had attended those same political rallies -- our high school band would often play at them. Funny, I don't remember being invited to that family meeting. It was definitely a guy thing.
Although by the time I completed my masters degree in computer science, many women had already led the way to establish opportunities for women. However, there still were not many women working in the technology field. That was somewhat nice because demand was high and I had 14 job offers when completing my graduate work. However, there were unexpected challenges along the way. During one campus interview, a manager explained how they never had hired a woman in their company to perform the computer programming work. He explained how the guys were guys He explained that he was not opposed to hiring a woman, but he did not want to hire a b----- and then asked if I was one. On one site interview for another company, I was excited to hear the job opportunities-- after all, my major professor had once worked for that company, but in Houston. I was surprised to learn after arriving in Austin that I really only had a single, brief, introductory interview. The hiring manager reported to me that he had decided not to hire a woman -- he assumed that I would take the job, get married, get pregnant and then not be available to report to work when needed, which often was around 4am when their programs would run and break. My major professor and department chair were extremely upset by that situation and called the company to complain. The company insisted that I return for additional interviews -- however, I already knew that I would not work for that company.
You expect that there will be a few bad apples in every bunch. I picked a great company that has led by example in many areas. However, it was surprising what also occurred in such a large, great company. I really enjoyed working for one manager and his team. They were real go-getters and work was often a lot more fun than work. However, I was disappointed to learn from a female peer (as she was crying in her beer one happy hour) that she thought that she really did deserve the promotion -- and she did not get the promotion just because she was sleeping with our manager while away on business trips. I was shocked that such behavior would occur in our workplace. I was upset about that situation -- and although I felt like tossing a cupcake in her face, I'm glad that women are no longer stoned for committing adultery. Later, I joined another team that was quite different. I was the first woman hired in that department but was shortly joined by another. We were both disappointed to learn that after our years of experience, our only assigned tasks from the team leader involved entering their timecard data and completing data entry for their personal reports for the department. It took awhile to get meaningful work. Shortly afterward, I learned that some of those good ol' guys really could not pull their weight -- technically speaking. I often was assigned their projects when they failed. It was frustrating being called in to clean up their mess and get a project completed successfully for staff who earned significantly more than me. It was then even more frustrating to hear my manager say that I would not be given a raise -- specifically because the guys in the department were married, had kids, and needed the money more than me. Because I was still single and a woman, he decided to give all the raises to the men in the department. I could not believe my ears. During my time working for that manager, the dress codes were relaxed and women were no longer required to wear dress suites (e.g., skirts and business jackets). However, we quickly learned that our manager had 9 criteria that the women's attire had to meet in order to be acceptable for our work location. Some of the requirements were ridiculous and almost impossible to meet. I decided that it was best handled by asking the manager to walk through his department and demonstrate to us (by the men's attire) the specifics of the requirements. Of course, it was obvious that none of the men met the rules that he had personally constructed for his two female staff. Basically their pants (excuse me, slacks) had two legs, were full-length, and not denim. It was not long before the 9 criteria were relaxed somewhat.
I've worked with and for a lot of amazing people. However, I have been sometimes amazed and embarassed by the behavior of a few women in the workplace. I've had my intellectual property basically stolen by some women peers -- and not just one. I would attend meetings and be surprised to see my presentation delivered -- but I'd chuckle to myself hearing the ladies struggle to find the explanations for the data reported. I also actually had one female team member claim my entire project when a new manager was assigned to our department. The peer had only been with the team shortly and I had assigned to her a significant task over six weeks. I spent a lot of time helping to introduce her to our team and my project. The new manager was located at the same site as my peer. It was days before I met the new manager -- but by then, I was no longer working on that project and, according to the manager, had never led that project, based on information from my peer, even though I had led it for over 8 months, leading numerous subteams. It took weeks to get on my manager's calendar about the project. It even took months longer to sort out the mess with the project managers of my subteams, who were totally confused. I think that it is hilarious that the peer, years later after moving to a new position, contacted me on LinkedIn and even asked me to write a recommendation. I ignored the request -- I am sure that she would not be happy with my recommendation to others to avoid (like the plague) working with her. I guess people like that are very insecure in their abilities and feel that they must steal the work of others to help validate themselves. I also had a female manager who once insisted that reverse my position on some research results -- to support another outcome that she supported. I was strongly encouraged not to report my findings. I was actually told that I must go to a meeting with another colleague (who had already told me that he was willing to support whatever opinion was requested by the manager) and could not come out of it until I had completed the recommendation -- and the recommendation must agree with my colleague's. I respectfully reported to her that I could not falsify my research results to support her hypothesis. I tell you that I truly paid for that stand that I took. I also worked on a project with stellar results -- and the manager of the department I supported gave me an informal award for the work performed. However, shortly afterwards, that same female manager reported to my manager that she was not happy with my performance -- and was even considering asking that I be removed from the project. I was shocked. However, I soon learned that a layoff was occurring -- and I suspect that she was positioning her staff member for my position. I never told that manager that my manager had reported to me her feedback -- I respectfully continued work with her, concentrating on my job and continuing to be an outstanding performer on the project. Those were dark days among a long career. Most of those darks days were at the hand of women, not men. Those women should have been mentors --- they were leaders in the field, but demonstrated bad behavior (trying to get ahead) that no one should emulate.
Work is not so different from the outside world either. I can remember asking to talk with a supervisor at a well-known automotive center after the technician noted that he had fixed the problem identified with my car -- but fixed it on another's car by mistake. After he quickly changed his story, I insisted that the problem be corrected -- and then the supervisor noted that he did not think that I was an ordinary dumb blonde. I recall a lender telling me that it would be very difficult to purchase a house -- I found another lender who offered me an application and I easily met the requirements. Often service personnel will ask that I call my spouse about the details of repairs needed at the house. Once after a hail storm in our area, several homeowners teamed to get a good group discount on a roof replacement. One roofing contractor on the list would not talk with me -- ignoring my questions, assuming that my husband would eventually come across the street to talk with him. Eventually, when I got his attention, I explained that I am the home owner and that I would not be interested in his proposal -- I would only review the those submitted by the other contractors. I also often experienced difficulty getting assistance in the computer department of a large, popular electronics company. Their personnel would practically walk around me, ignoring me -- or tell me to wait a moment -- as they assisted every male that walked into the general area. A male friend of mine once saw me in the store and chatted with me while waiting one day. A sales associate soon walked up and asked how he could assist him -- my friend quickly noted that I had waited for 20 minutes and he could start by helping me. I have noticed many improvements there -- apparently it was well-known by the company executives that they were not meeting the needs of female consumers (and we spend money on electronics too). I guess things are getting better, but I still take a male friend with me when car shopping.
I see the progress, but I'm afraid that we've gone backwards also. I sense a loss of chivalry and general politeness -- some men claim that it is due to the women's revolution. After al, some say that you can't have it both ways. I always thank a guy when he opens and holds the door for me -- that happens less frequently these days. I was once on a rental bus at an airport in Chicago -- and watched a busload of men sit after a pregnant lady with a toddler boarded the bus. I waited patiently for someone -- anyone -- to stand to allow that lady to sit. I was the only other woman on the bus. In my "steel magnolia" way, I stood to my feet -- and exclaimed to the captive crowd of men how I could not believe their behavior -- how could they sit as a pregnat woman with a toddler struggled to hang on as the bus moved through the airport to the rental cars? I gladly gave up my seat for her. They did not blink an eye -- no one jumped to his feet to correct the situation. No one apologized. I don't know if it was general male insensitivity due to the women's revolution -- or if I just expected too much of the Yankee males, having lived my entire life in the South. I was especially proud one day later on another rental bus by that same company to have a driver insist on carrying my luggage off the bus to my car -- I told him that it was not necessary. However, he then explained how his daughters and wife traveled frequently on business -- and he knew (from observing the general behavior of men on his bus) that they were not likely well treated when traveling. He wanted to extend the courtesies to all women on his bus that he could only hope would be extended to his loved ones when traveling --- and the guys on the bus could just wait! Wow, there's still hope for humanity today.
Well, despite these sad stories, there is much to celebrate. I've been blessed and appreciate it. Improvements are definitely needed in many areas -- and I will be delighted to continue to see the progress -- and the hope of improved quality of life for women worldwide.
